Skinny Jeans and Revelations

Last night, I undertook a task that no woman should ever subject herself to more than once a year, if that: I faced the skinny jeans dilemma.  You ladies know what I am talking about - those jeans you bought one day when you were feeling so great about yourself, but that were a little tight for you then and yet you procured them anyways, justifying your purchase by vowing that those pesky five pounds would melt away and that you would fit into these great jeans at some point, only to try them on later that month to find that you have gained weight rather than having lost anything close to those five orginal pounds and yet for some unexplained and masochistic reason you still keep those jeans around at the back of your closet... just in case. 

Well ladies, I had a few of those jeans that I had decided a while back to just give away instead of torturing myself with having to look at them in my closet over and over again... and yet I still thought of them every once and a while, hoping against all hope that I would still, one day, before I really did give them away, fit into them as snugly as if they had been created just for my curves.  I also have to admit that, though they had been thrown into a garbage bag and placed with the other objects that are to be donated, I have on at least two previous occasions, had my dignity shattered by my audacity of trying them all on, again.

Thus, last night when I was faced with the dilemma that I only have one pair of great-looking jeans and I don't have enough money to purchase myself another, I mustered up the courage to give these four pairs of jeans one last shot at changing my mind, and yet I was somewhat skeptical that they would make their way back into my wardrobe.  I had therefore unceremoniously dumped them on my bed before going out with my girls and vowed like an addict that this time I would really give them up if they still did not fit.

I came back home, my feathers having been a little ruffled and my state of mind being a little too reflective for my own good, only to see the pile of my potential enemies waiting to pounce from the corner of my bed.   Well, I figured, I had put them there myself and no one was now forcing me to try them on, so I gritted my teeth, took it like a woman and grabbed the first pair.  I stepped into them, made my way over to my standing mirror in order to capture the whole ordeal more concretely, gave my reflection a tiny encouraging smile, bent down and began to roll the legs up towards me.  I hesitated once more when I had rolled the jeans to a mere few inches near my waist and hips to that invisible line across my buttocks that either makes or breaks a pair of jeans;  a diaporama of images began to flicker in my mind's eye of me having to jump on my bed and having to shimmy my way into them a la Julia Roberts in "Eat Pray Love", doing the "I can fit into these GODDAMNIT" hoppy dance or sticking in my stomach while attempting, quite pointlessly and ineffectively I might add, to somehow tuck in my ass as well - and all of this in a mere few seconds of hesitation.   I looked at my slightly panicked face in the mirror, reined in my courage, took a deep, and somewhat, I won't lie, sticking in my stomach just a little, breath and... pulled that first pair of jeans the rest of the way up... no struggle with the button or zipper, no shimmying, nothing...

I incredulously peered at my reflection, expecting to see the usual rollover of chubbiness where my tummy and hips do not want to cooperate with the stiff material encircling them;  I turned around to inspect the rear view and found that it was surprisingly and entirely to my satisfaction.  Thus encouraged, I quickly stripped to my skivvies, seized the next pair and began the process all over again, minus the diaporama and panic.  The next three pairs were just as easy to put on as the first. 

Slightly giddy from the whole experience, without really thinking about it, I pulled on the sexiest pair of jeans that now fit me, added a cute and form-fitting black top that hugged my girls in all the right ways, added my beautiful chunky necklace and I took a moment to look at this new woman standing there staring back at me wide-eyed and giggly.