Let me be honest with you: the beginning of 2016 was SHIT... for various reasons that I shall not get into here. Suffice it to say that I was not in a positive mind-frame nor was I out of the boxes that I had created for myself in the diverse aspects of my life (see previous post for description of said boxes).
However, the MIDDLE of this year began to change... as did I; I did not begin this transformation on my own. As much as I would like to thank my awesome self, I was not alone in this; thus, I need to show my gratitude to a whole SHIT-load of people who have helped me in a minor and/or major way.
I must, and will always, begin with my very own little prince charming... my sunshine, my baby, my Bubba. With his gentle, empathetic and, at times, stubborn, ways, he has been accompanying me on this journey and has helped me enormously throughout. The one sentence that he has repeated to me near the end of this year is, "Mommy, you're the best," to which I always reply, "Nope, you and Patrick are." He has also greeted me one day at daycare with an incredible, "Mommy, I'm so lucky to have you in my life," to which I obviously responded, "No sweetheart, I'M the lucky one." Even on the worst of days, because let's face it, as parents we OFTEN have those, he has been my guiding light and one of the many reasons for my being on this planet. I love him to the moon and back, and past the stars and all the way to the far reaches of the galaxy, as he will perhaps happily tell you if you do happen to ask him how much his mommy loves him.
I must also thank my man... THE man of my life... yep, I know, you have perhaps heard THIS before, being the hopeless romantic that I am... but, and again, sorry if I AM repeating myself, THIS TIME, it's different. I. AM. DIFFERENT. Also, this love feels different... He is going to be so embarrassed by my writing this, so I will simply add that I am SO thankful for his acceptance of me OUTSIDE of my boxes. I could and would go on, but I am not willing to share...
I am thankful for ALL of him, his family included. His children have accepted me into their lives without any questions and his grandparents have been there for me in our time of need. I spent a wonderful Christmas in their company and I cannot even wonder why my man is so wonderful and why his children are amazing because it all stems from the two beautiful people I spent time with very recently. Basta.
To 'mamaman'... I thank her for letting me go - "son abeille boutine de ses propres ailes". We have had a rocky existence as mother and daughter, she and I, to say the least, but she has ALWAYS been there for me AND my son. She is now finally watching from the shoreline as I am attempting to navigate my own ship, however roughly the seas may swell and sway underneath me. I am NOT an easy person to deal with, but she does, to the best of her own limited capacities as a fellow human being with her own perfect imperfections. Thank you mom, and watch me fly this year, "Ma chere maman, je voles, je t'aimes mais je voles...."
My Tintin... AND Gab... I thank them for accepting my plea for help when I thought I might need an extra set of people to watch my son... We have not always been close, and we have had our differences, but I do believe that we are on the right path to having a healthier relationship.
My sister from another mother and father... My TALLER doppelganger... AND smarter AND prettier... you get the idea. Despite the distance between us, she has chosen ME, the crazy shorty living in Montreal, to be the godmother of her baby girl... and I could not have been happier than on that day when she first told me... and I cried SO much the day that our little Miss was born... full out sitting on the floor, bawling in the hallway, at my boyfriend's house, ask her husband and my boyfriend. I am therefore so very grateful that her and her husband have chosen me to be a guiding light for their baby girl; I shall be like a lighthouse... a far, FAR away one... to which she will always be able to sail towards for religious, spiritual, personal and/or emotional advice. I will act mostly as a soundboard though, allowing her words to echo back to her and merely allowing my voice to be heard when/if she needs it. I love you Lori, Dane, Mavis and Clark - thank you for allowing me to be a member of your beautiful little family. I love you my Mr. Mistress and I am so very glad that you are my best friend's other half - our lives would not be the same without you honey. Thank you for all of our 'illicit' conversations - you read me right my girl, I AM HAVING A TELEPHONE AFFAIR WITH YOUR HUSBAND... *wink*wink*
The next person on my list is my roommate, who unknowingly signed up for WAY more than he had originally thought when he became my roommate; he has had to deal with a lot of my shit at the end of this tumultuous year, including my singing at all hours of the day and night AND my non-stop talking way too loudly to my man on the phone, and a WHOLE bunch of other stuff that I will not mention here in case ya'll begin to think that I am NOT perfect. My 'husband', thank you for being here for me when I needed you to be, and thank you for accepting me at my best and at my worst.
My friend AND boss, Juju... you have been such an awesome presence in my life this year and you have listened to me whenever my own anxiety was getting the worst of me. You have also been an understanding, yet firm, boss with me and I feel as though you have been able to reach that delicate balance of being my friend AND superior at the same time. Know that I am ALWAYS here for you and your little family and that you are someone I look up to in your ability to manage it all with such grace and patience.
A Denis la menace, merci de ta sagesse incroyable et de ton ecoute de tout ce que j'ai vecu dans ces derniers mois... ton sourrire a ete une balme a ma douleur et tes mots d'encouragements ont resonne en dedans de moi et continuent de me faire grandir encore plus dans le cheminement que je fais. Tu es une vieille ame si belle et comprehensive et je suis tres reconnaissante de tous les precieux moments que tu m'accordes entre les murs de verres ou tu m'accuille si chaleureusement. Merci mon beau Denis.
Mathieu, notre amitie a commence il y'a SI longtemps meme si nous nous sommes pas parles depuis nos bons vieux jours au secondaire. Tout a recommence la journee ou tu m'as reconnu pendant que j'allais travailler, et je suis SI contente que tu m'as vu et parle. Tu es un bel homme 'rose', a l'image de Denis quand tu aurais eu plus d'experience dans cette belle vie. Ton sourrire est un petit rayon de soleil que me rechauffe le coeur a chaque fois que j'ai la chance de te croiser. Alors, merci pour ton sourrire et pour ton ecoute de toutes mes conneries et niaiseries.
A ma belle Maggy qui a repondu a mon appel d'au secours lorsque j'ai eu besoin d'aide avec mon pti amour - tu as mis deux anges nommes Malaika et William sur notre chemin a moi et Zach. Tu as su tout de suite qu'on s'entendrais bien moi et Malaika, et je te remerci infinement de m'avoir suggere cette merveilleuse et douce personne pour prendre soins de mon garcon. Et toi et moi ma belle, l'annee 2017 nous announce une danse dans le Metro ensemble a faire danser, bouger et chanter tout le monde!!
Malaika, tu es un ange et William aussi - merci d'avoir si bien prit soins de mon petit soleil et de m'avoir ecouter et encourager. Rappelles-toi de prendre soins de TOI et que si jamais tu as besoin de moi, et bien ca va me faire un GRAND plaisir de garder et de m'occuper de ton bebe d'amour.
To the young man on the Metro who encouraged me to write my book... I am sorry that I have forgotten your name, but I shall always remember your face and your words of encouragement - my first book is for children and it is coming; it will therefore be dedicated to my son, my nephew, my goddaughter and the children that all adults have within themselves. My other book, however, which will be my own story, shall be dedicated to YOU since you have helped unblock my creative process just by speaking with me on that day we sat next to each other on the Metro. I hope that you are still following YOUR dreams and please, never let them go.
To Thelma... I am at a loss for words in thanking you for helping me to unblock and begin to liberate all of the anger and sadness I have been locking up within myself for so long. You sensed it and cried for me when I couldn't cry myself, and for the kindness you showed me, I shall always be grateful. You are an incredible woman and I am happy to have come and said hi to you on one of my first days at my new job. HE's coming soon Thelma, and I am screaming and jumping with joy - MY Christmas AND New Year shall occur on the day when I am finally held in his arms. Thank you.
To Thelma's right hand woman, Lori-May... Thank you for listening to me babble on and on in circles and for sharing with me your metaphor of boxes. You have helped me immensely and I am forever in your debt for that day when you offered me a cup of coffee and your two ears, heart and arms to share in my anger and sadness.
To everyone else who is not mentioned here, I do not love you any less... Thank you for having been a part of this heartbreakingly incredible year... Every person I have smiled at and spoken to has been a part of my journey, however briefly, and I would not be the person I am today had I not encountered you. So thank you.
Here's to 2016: Thank you for teaching me more about love than any other year; for allowing me to grow more and more into the strong, independent, intuitive, empathetic and charismatic woman that I am; for giving me many lessons in the importance of patience, which I lacked at the beginning of the year; for showing me how to "fermer ma grande geuele" when I need to; for helping me realize that I am far richer than I could have ever imagined.
Here's to 2017: WATCH. OUT. I. AM. COMING.
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